The Wild East / Comedy

I’ve always enjoyed being in Asia for Christmas because they really don’t give a rat’s ass about it. For this very reason, we are able to have such niceties as Chinese restaurants to eat Christmas dinner in the West, for those who are too lazy to cook, and the hordes who don’t know how.

Being in Asia, I’m blessedly relieved of hearing months of sappy Christmas tunes, and annoying Christmas ads and sales.

God, I HATE Christmas music. I’ve heard all those songs a million times, why isn’t everyone tired of them?! One of the few times I want to hear Christmas music is in the middle of the year, in a Taiwanese 7-11, say in about August, because that’s FUNNY.

What am I, a Grinch, you say? No, I just prefer some peace and quiet to hearing a cacophony of bullshit religious brainwashing at the end of each year.

Just to be even-handed, I’ll point out a few NICE things about Christmas.

Family time. Many families get together and eat dinner, unarguably an important bonding activity. And people are generally NICER, KINDER and more considerate of those less fortunate than them. However, ‘making a donation to charity’ can be patronizing in itself, because it allows people to ‘dish out just enough charity’ to justify going right back to their gilded lifestyle.

I love the gift exchanging part (both buying and receiving), and White Elephant parties. Those are fun. However, give gifts year-round, people! Why wait until once a year to gift someone with something thoughtful? That’ll avoid the Christmas rush for sure. And go for thoughtfulness over pricetag.

Actually shopping for Christmas presents blows, because it’s such a commercial holiday that EVERYONE else is shopping at that time. This is another reason to avoid the rush, by buying presents year-round.

Remember right after ‘9-11’, like the NEXT DAY, President George Bush told everybody to go out and buy stuff, go shopping, for the economy? Yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. Christmas feels like we’re being raped for our consumer value, with the ritual of ‘Christmas shopping’ summarily rammed down our throats.

Perhaps what I hate most about Christmas is its inauthenticity. I hate how Christmas is all based on weird lies, about Santa Claus and his goddamned elves’ workshop — when everyone knows all the cheap stuff you buy at Walmart for each other comes out of sweatshops.

For the sake of brevity, I won’t go into what a load of crap the religious aspect of Christmas is.

I also dislike the pressure ‘Christmas’ puts on people who don’t have family or friends, or anything in the world for that matter. Christmas is depressing for so many people. “Did you get a present?” “Do you have a — (Significant other)?” “Do you have a loving family to spend it with?” If your answer to any or all of these is NO, you are regarded as some kind of pathetic freak. “Oh, you POOR thing!” Basically, nobody cares about you if you don’t spend this commercial holiday in other people’s company, and actually look down on you, compounding the misery for them.

I have spent a few Christmases alone – traveling in Europe or this year, just relaxing at home with my dog. This is because my dog is awesome, but also because solitude can be infinitely preferable to spending it with selfish, alcoholic, narcissistic ‘friends’, for example, or the ‘collective herd’ at all.

This is one of the best ways to combat Christmas. Enjoy it spending quality time with yourself!

People are so over-rated ! Like Jean-Paul Sartre was talking about in his play ‘No Exit’: HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE. “L’enfer, c’est les autres.” 

Michael Tsarion has done some ground-breaking research on the subject of psychic vampirism (see his YouTube lectures on this subject). Psychic vampires — ‘Vamps’ — prey upon our energies and tear us down spiritually, psychologically, physically, mentally — all in the guise of being our supposed ‘friends’ and ‘loved ones’.

This year has been rough!  I have had to shed a bunch of ersatz ‘friends’, as a matter of self-protection, really. So this is as good a time as any to level the playing field, and tear some new A-holes.

So starting this year, I’m turning Christmas into a rectification day.  Once a year I pledge to — no holds barred — tell people what their problems really are, and let them know exactly what’s wrong with them. Then finishing with a cheery ‘Merry Xmas!” of course! That’s my favorite part. Try it, it’s good fun.

I consider this seemingly bitter criticism of others a gift on my part, really. Nobody else performs this ‘tough love’ service, so I will accept their thanks in advance.

Hate and its twin anger, have been demonized. I’ve discovered they can both be very valuable and useful emotions. Anger gets sh#t done, that’s one advantage of anger. And hate, the ‘blue flame’ of anger type of emotion, is at times called for and justified, in many cases.

For instance, to a psychic vampire: “Why would I want to be your friend after all this time? Like you treated me nicely, ever? I don’t remember that ever happening. In fact, you’re SADISTIC. [insert example]. Merry Xmas – ”

Remember, listen to your instincts. They’re there for a reason: survival.

I suggest everyone listen to the niggling feeling at the back of your mind and roll with it, roll out that anger, have no fear. Like Michael Tsarion says, ‘Fall in love with saying NO.”

People need to be trained to become better f’ing human beings. People need feedback on how much of an A-hole they are being, so they can change their behavior. This is probably because their parents usually do a lousy job, and most people lack any critical thinking skills in Amurca these days.

Maybe until their faults have been pointed out they have no idea what their problems really are. That’s why they need to be told in no uncertain terms, but — mercifully — sugar-coated with a cute little MERRY CHRISTMAS! at the end. Charming! Works like magic for me.

To another Christmas recipient, I offer a Christmas present in the form of reassurance about a situation, then ask in return that this individual work on his temper problem, the real issue at play.  “Hope you find enlightenment. MERRY CHRISTMAS! Love ya!” Adding the ‘love’ — that really helps soften the blow, for efficacy.

Some good news: Another, true friend of mine actually listened to my new-found love of offering people blunt advice, and has made some impressive headway on this same fault of anger management.

To those who don’t need critical feedback, give them thanks! And love, if they gave it to you. Don’t give them love if they’ve treated you like crap, though! Then they’ll just continue their bad habit, won’t they? You see, unconditional love is also over-rated. Giving love to an abuser just makes sure they will perpetuate the abuse, and never have to address their faults.

May we all make good use of this ‘Holy-day Spirit’ to become better f’ing human beings.

WHAT DO YOU HATE MOST ABOUT CHRISTMAS? ADD COMMENTS BELOW! Merry Xmas !